You are worried about the gift for your special someone. You are gift-crazed, and your anxiety is endangering what should be a lovely day. It’s time to step back, breathe a little. On the other side of the spectrum, you are proud of being the average New Yorker; you are tough. You and your other have agreed that Valentine’s Day is a massive hoax. Step back, breathe a little.
Valentine’s Day has a strange place in American culture, as you don’t know where the love ends and the marketing begins. It is even stranger to NYer’s who don’t know if they should love it or hate it. Most NYer’s do both even though many cannot admit the emotions and expectations involved. Managing these emotions is important to actually having a enjoyable Valentine’s Day.
Here is a little guidance about making Valentine’s Day a special day. Although we may not like gender roles and are working to eliminate them because they are unfair
, more times than not, the gender of your partner affects his/her perspective on Valentine’s Day in both mixed-sex and same-sex relationships (to varying degrees depending on individuals). I will publish an article about women and their perspective.
These are simplifications so apply these principles based on what you know about your lover. Also, borrow from the other post (as it may be more help) if you don’t find anything here that is useful.
Let’s start with the men:
Gesture of Acceptance
A boyfriend or husband sometimes takes a lot of heat for something they do. Men have a bit of a reputation of neglect for the details. And you may make fun of him or harass him about it. Many times, it may be a pet peeve that really is not a big deal. So football steals him from the face of the earth every Sunday. So his laundry doesn’t get into the basket. So he falls asleep during movies. Those aren’t in themselves crimes, and the conflict has taken on a life of its own. So getting him a (normally funny) peace offering showing that you are over it. This is always a charming gift. A gift that signals that you are ready to let it go is always welcome. It’s a good chance to have a laugh together about it.
Don’t Outdo Him
Men are prideful creatures. It can be threatening (and a kill-joy) when his lover does much more than he does. Normally, if he is a good husband or boyfriend, he is outdone because he is out of ideas, forgets or waits to the last second. Remind him casually of the approach of Valentine’s day, like “Wow, it’s almost Valentine’s day and we’ve had only
two snow storms.”Also, let’s be clear, you know him; if he is understated (which can be even more romantic), prepare accordingly and don’t call in the mariachi band.
A Sense of Humor
If you are getting him a gift, don’t embarrass him with sentimentality. He probably doesn’t think gifts are huge testaments of love anyway. I know the temptation for many is to just go with old reliable, sex. There is a subconscious problem there, of course. It sends the message that “you give him sex, rather than it being an intimate act of mutual desire and pleasure.” For Valentine’s Day, the tried and true method is to find something funny, even corny. Tension is the biggest threat to a enjoyable Valentine’s day, so lighten the mood. Still, this doesn’t mean that sex and Valentine’s day don’t mix; but it isn’t the best gift.
Know Thy Valentine
The Valentine’s Day Haters
In almost every case, participating in Valentine’s Day in some way is the smart strategy. Even a partner who hates Valentine’s Day can revel in a gift that sends a middle finger to Hallmark’s idea of Valentine’s Day. I think we can agree that being left out is an almost a universal fear (even if we don’t say it).
The Valentine’s Day Willing Participants
Couples who have spent a substantial time together have share many memories. Some moments are magical for both partners. If you can incorporate those moments into Valentine’s Day in a genuine, natural way (without unnecessary sentimentality), Valentine’s Day becomes not a celebration of “love” but of “us.” This is the grand prize. Of course, let the memory do the work for you. Planting things around their place (whether notes, pictures, photos…) has always been a tried and true method to get the good memories flowing.
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